The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
Joan Rivers

You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
Robert Paul '

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Bernard Manning

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
Shirley Temple

Even before Christmas has said Hello, it's saying 'Buy Buy'
Robert Paul

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Jay Leno

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.
Richard Lamm